It feels like I have been on this quest to find my purpose for my whole adult life. And I probably have, but didn't realize it acutely until about 4 years ago. This here bloggy-thing was one attempt to funnel my energies into something that gave me a feeling of accomplishment. In the end, while I enjoyed the writing, it was just another to-do on my list that got in the way of my living life.
So this new year - in my resolution to live life I find myself only occasionally out here in some sort of odd online diary. I don't know who is reading - or not. I am not certain why I am writing but that I feel that I have to say something to someone - even if in reality it is to no one.
I accepted our Pastor's challenge (wonderful Pastor - Pete Briscoe at Bent Tree Bible Fellowship - blogs on-line and he has a radio program and website www.tellingthetruth.org). It has turned out to be a lifeline in the sea of doubt, uncertainty and wandering that I have been floating in for several years. Pete suggested that for 60 days - we make a concerted effort to read the Bible and journal our prayers. So each day I read a verse and write to God what is in my heart.
I am not sharing this (or not sharing it as the case may be) to give myself some sort of credit but to say that maybe I am gaining ground because today I feel totally under attack by The Enemy. As defeated and lost as I feel today, I can only hope that is the ugly-one trying to undermine my new relationship with God and try and throw me off the plan He has for me. That is my prayer - please let it be that I am "winning" and not that he is.
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